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UntitledUnattributed [1]I was never the cool uncleToo old, too absent, too out of fashionI was in my thirtieswhen J was bornTwice the age of "cool"And seven years past "cool older guy"I'd said "these kids today" before she was even bornand by the time she had a favorite bandI didn't know what kind of music they playedor why anyone would like it(or me)I didn't live nearbydidn't "help raise her"wasn't "always there"not like some TV uncle wisecrackingtroublechiefingheart-to-heartingboyfriend-threateningpizza-treatingtelling-it-like-it-iset cetera.My brother, he was the troublemaker, he was the wisecrackerI was the one you would've figured as the family man4H, varsity basketball, Boy Scout (freshman year)the FATHERthe DADthe football and barbecuethe one on one and horse[2]the do your homework clean your roomet cetera.I puta piece of ginger[3]in herpussyand watched her burna large piece of root -- we joked about it:"root"peeled it with the fish-shaped vegetable peeler in the drawerthe one. “Darn!” John Jr said.“What?” Steve mumbled.“We made bets as to what the first stupid-ass excuse would be. I said that it would be “It’s only sex”, and I was right.” Susan gloated.“I’ll have your winnings when I see you later.”“Steven, here are your divorce papers. Too bad it was only sex. You are going to be paying a shitload for it. A hooker in Vegas would have been cheaper and you could have used drunkenness as an excuse. Now, go get Jane and get out of the house.”“I’m not leaving my own house!” Steve said defiantly.“Yes, you are, Steve. Because if you are still there when I come to change the locks in your house in a few minutes, I am going to beat the living shit out of you.”John said very confidently from the speakerphone.“You can’t take me, John. You should know that.” Steve said confidently.“Yes, I can. But you stick around, and I’ll be pleased as punch to prove you wrong, right in front of your soon to be ex-wife, and your new slut, before you take her wherever you are going.
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